Musings for 2010
AHA! So anonymity helps very little I see!! Who would have thought it? My ticker is has never been more aroused! First off, yours truly is not on any sort of hiatus. His highness, that’s me in case you haven’t picked up on my smug approach to the New frigging Year, has simply been at rest, pondering life’s many quandaries. Here is what I have discovered:
A) Fruit cake can and will add five pounds to your ass if eaten after midnight.
b) It can also double as a floatation device in case of an emergency.
3) There is no sex in the champagne room (does anybody else remember that?)
d) The best gift of all is a semi-automatic with the clip filed down and the safety off.
x) Some things are better left stated rather than unsaid. Posterity may thank you for it.
A) Fruit cake can and will add five pounds to your ass if eaten after midnight.
b) It can also double as a floatation device in case of an emergency.
3) There is no sex in the champagne room (does anybody else remember that?)
d) The best gift of all is a semi-automatic with the clip filed down and the safety off.
x) Some things are better left stated rather than unsaid. Posterity may thank you for it.
Mr. I said we were a country of good neighbours during Christmas time. He’s a dick though and his liberal arts degree isn’t helping him in the way of solving that issue. To have good neighbours one must first be a good neighbour, or at least live next to someone who notices very little; like the all night booze, blow and hooker parties going on until the wee hours of the morn. Otherwise, you’re just a dick who thinks he’s a good neighbour. My suggestion is that we stop trying to be good, and instead, simply try to be a neighbour. Go out there and help the man next door remove the soiled women’s underwear from his prized elm tree. Go out there and help the drunken stragglers recovering from the night’s comatose off of someone else’s lawn. Be the person who sends out a thank you letter for the eviction notices due to noise complaints. You’ll be glad you did.
Otherwise, fuck off and get funky.
Otherwise, fuck off and get funky.
On a different note, this little ditty is for my gal, wherever she may be tonight (gay castle).
I sat in my room until a quarter to six,
Wondering if you’d be home soon to fix,
This lovely headache with one gloved hand
The one you used to squeeze my gland
And if perchance you were to don the other glove
I just might make you my queen, as we made love
I’d give you a gift, a jewelled sceptre of gold
Just to see how firmly the hilt you would hold
I’d give you the power invested in me, to beat
The serfs, villagers, and the meek,
Remembering well how you do that to my meat
As your king I would ask for very little,
Except perhaps the lily from your modest middle
If love was an ocean, I’d be a sting ray,
Capable of killing sea life and Australians that are gay
You’d be an ocean floor, and I would sleep atop of you
With nothing between us except a darkness black as goo
The littlest sin is of greatest importance,
Whether of royalty or of fish that happen to be cartilaginous
I ask thee, pray thee, and give me thine little sin,
To have and to hold, and to give out in
Extraordinarily large numbers… no need for new linen
For it all gets fused in the tapestry that is our love
Coating the sheets that many would be proud of
But few will ever dare to speak of
Despite our growing interest in each other’s chambers
I promise to be with you throughout many Decembers
Clothed, naked, alone or amidst the public
My flesh will always cling to you as it does to the teeth of the cannibalic
I will always fear the day your touch escapes me
As I do the day my breath will cease to be
I love you, my special shell found upon the beach
Whosoever knows a more perfect woman will have me to teach
But I shall not listen if you be within reach
Of my caress, my lust, my eternal flame
My vehement love which upon you is lain
Wondering if you’d be home soon to fix,
This lovely headache with one gloved hand
The one you used to squeeze my gland
And if perchance you were to don the other glove
I just might make you my queen, as we made love
I’d give you a gift, a jewelled sceptre of gold
Just to see how firmly the hilt you would hold
I’d give you the power invested in me, to beat
The serfs, villagers, and the meek,
Remembering well how you do that to my meat
As your king I would ask for very little,
Except perhaps the lily from your modest middle
If love was an ocean, I’d be a sting ray,
Capable of killing sea life and Australians that are gay
You’d be an ocean floor, and I would sleep atop of you
With nothing between us except a darkness black as goo
The littlest sin is of greatest importance,
Whether of royalty or of fish that happen to be cartilaginous
I ask thee, pray thee, and give me thine little sin,
To have and to hold, and to give out in
Extraordinarily large numbers… no need for new linen
For it all gets fused in the tapestry that is our love
Coating the sheets that many would be proud of
But few will ever dare to speak of
Despite our growing interest in each other’s chambers
I promise to be with you throughout many Decembers
Clothed, naked, alone or amidst the public
My flesh will always cling to you as it does to the teeth of the cannibalic
I will always fear the day your touch escapes me
As I do the day my breath will cease to be
I love you, my special shell found upon the beach
Whosoever knows a more perfect woman will have me to teach
But I shall not listen if you be within reach
Of my caress, my lust, my eternal flame
My vehement love which upon you is lain
Happy 2010 to the rest of you turds. I’ll be back soon, so you can all stop howling mournfully in every church across town. Get on with your lives already! The King has left the building.
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