Zombie Love
Has it ever occurred to anyone that the dead might envy the living? It sure had not for me. Not until I was positioned into a rather unexpected quandary.
I was expected to believe that my own consciousness was the only natural enemy that existed. Every perceived threat came from the familiar, trusted voice in my head. The one that told me to open doors for women, or to relinquish my seat for the elderly. The one that told me to take Aboriginal Awareness Week seriously. Apparently that tiny, insignificant, squeamish little voice was responsible for great catastrophes. I was miffed. Now you might ask me how this relates back to the dead and their hobbies, but you’d be a dickhead.
I’ll tell you anyway. It’s so simple that if you haven’t figured it out by now, get off this blog cause we don’t serve your kind here.
It is an established genre motif that zombies have an ounce of juice left somewhere up in their cannibalistic brains. Romero spoke of the dead returning to the places they saw habitually during life, such as shopping malls, out of some sense of recognition. The Return of the Living Deadseries featured talking, walking, hurting, feeling zombies that defied conventions with sheer camp. These zombies were definitively smarter than the average bear, and all they wanted was some brains. The later genre busters were hardly original or inspiring. One, City of the Dead, was so desperate to find a new angle that it featured ghost zombies, appearing from nowhere to devour your sinful hides.
Stay with me here… There’s a certain logic behind zombie mayhems. They don’t do what they do out of some misguided sense of belief or individuality. They count on necessity. Brains for pain. No questions asked, end of story. The reason humans are so often introduced in zombie flicks as an antagonistic element is because humans are illogical. SPOCK WOULD AGREE, humans are a darker force to be reckoned with. They fight one another while there are bigger immediate problems, they bicker ceaselessly to push arguments that are unfounded, and they are willing to believe their own egos more than the signs around them. Why are the humans so threatening? Four words: Illusion of No Consequence. We think we are smart enough to get away with it.
Believe it or not, that little voice in your head is out to get you, and it’ll win, because you’ll never believe that it is against you. It will guide your thoughts and your hands until there is nothing left to satiate its sick hunger.
In contrast, the zombies have made peace with this nuisance called ego. The voice says brains, and the zombie goes for brains. It has a difficulty accessing the ego part of its own brain, for instance it cannot assess threat levels, or recognize allies, because it has not foundation of self to rely upon for survival; Only instinct remains. An infected human who dies will rise and kill… the people it kills will rise and kill. They in turn will rise – suffice it to say, we would be alot better off, no? No more pandering to false idols, no more rumour-mongering to eleviate self esteem, no more put-downs for social gratification. Just peace and quiet zombie mayhem.
Few words left and I’m out of ideas here… Whatever you think, the dead don’t like this one bit. They are denied both outcomes and are left hanging on the mortal coil like so much worm food. No zombie mayhem, no human carnage; just daisies and fertilizer. Humans have all the fun in retrospect. They get to pick and choose their targets, unleashing fifteen years of rage in a single coup-de-gras. The alternative is kinda sloppy. On the zombie side though, they have all the determination and grit. They are not subject to the same emotions that make humans so soft and chewy. Pride, fear, lust… the zombies are better off without them.
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