Tales from the Wordpress Crypt #14

Preying on worship

Rise up my brethren, rise up my sisters, the Lord’s Prayer is about to begin.

First, Rubba-dub-dub, thanks for the grub.

Second, we’re not supposed to tell anyone what nobody knows: Thanks for the warning.

Third, there are only 86 billion things to know, but only three of those are worth knowing. The first is knowing that we know nothing. The second is knowing that to know everything is impossible, and the third is, there are much more than 86 billion things to know: Thanks for nothing.

Forth on the First, thanks for all the nifty brain chemicals. You’re a sweet kid, but they’re making me do awful things. Maybe you think this is funny. In which case, thanks for not laughing too loud.

Fifth and nine eights, perhaps we can settle the score here. You tell me why I’m here, and I’ll tell you where I’d rather be. Thanks for the consideration.

Sixth, thanks for the 80s music. It’s very good for keeping all manner of pests and rodents far away from my apartment.

Sieben, why not turn all concrete and inanimate matter into plant life? We could build whole new sky scrapers over the old ones. Well… thanks for listening. Are you listening? No matter. Of course you are. Maybe we’ll just build a skate park and bring some culture to these barbarians.

Auch, Thanks for the familiar faces, the worn out places, and the dreams in which I’m dying. Thanks for the mad world.

Nine on every dime, thanks for understanding what’s mine. Must be the only reason we’re still here I’d wager.

Tentative ten, thanks for trying at least. And if you get fed up with all this nonsense, thanks for the quick smiting. If you can grease me early enough, I’ll be very grateful finally.

And God... lastly... thanks but no thanks.